i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
