dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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