How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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