had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
