Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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