Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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