this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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