I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the condom got lost in my hair
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
do herpes really smell.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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