he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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