well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
