I'm pants shitting drunk right now
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
