seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
