i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
did i walk over a car last night?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
