Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
