Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
A bitchslap is in order.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
