He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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