OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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