Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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