I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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