I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
