Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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