I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
