Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
whose parrot is this?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
