Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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