Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
