? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
