Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
