i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
