Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
