I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
