he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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