Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
