I accidentally burped into my bong.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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