my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
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I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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