i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
