we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
