dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
