So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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