Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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