Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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