You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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