Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
