if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I would fuck him just for his dog
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
