Bisexual people are plain selfish.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
