There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
