i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
