He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
