This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
