So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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