Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
