I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
