Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Damn victory sex feels great
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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