My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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