you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
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The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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