I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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