We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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