drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
