i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
