Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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