im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
