Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
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She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
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Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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