I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
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