she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
