dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
