Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
