I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
