my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
