Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
