Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
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Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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