I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
