First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
