could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
