I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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