I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
