If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I could make wine with my vomit
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Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
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We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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