i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
