Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
